Battle For Douche Island (Archived from AMW)
Note: I've probably said this too much but I guess I'll say this again. this is a fake movie so don't take it seriously plox (credit to Anonymy and Chilly5000 for helping on this)
HOLY SHIT THIS PAGE IS NOT FOR THE KIDDIES!
Battle For Douche Island is a Yoylelandian-Alternativian adult animated black comedy film directed by my long lost cousin, produced by my pet rock, and written by a group of primary schoolers. It is the sequel to the infamous Inanimate Insanity: Fuckin' Potatoes Man and is based on the web series Battle for Dream Island. It premiered in Yoyle City's abandoned movie theatre on June 29, 2024. Due to its offensive content, it was banned in a few countries and is universally hated in the object show community.
The movie starts with the BFB cast being their usual (or flanderized) selves. Then, Four appears out of nowhere, and asked if they wanted to play a game for a BFDI. The cast agrees to participate, and then make up their teams, forming 8 teams of 8 like they did in BFB, with the same formations from the original show, but with different names. Then Four announces the first contest is a dick-sucking contest, and that the team that sucks the most dicks will get a special reward. The contestants try to figure out how they can get their team to win the dick-sucking contest, and then team Balls loses because they didn't suck enough dicks. BEEP had sucked the most dicks thanks to Cloudy, so all of the members gained immunity for the next challenge and a free blowjob from X. The contestants vote in this movie. TV had been eliminated with 56 votes.
Then, Four announces the next challenge, which is a large wrestling match. After several hours of wrestling, the only two teams that haven't been considered safe yet are The Retards and Sup N****s. The Retards lose and are up for elimination after Foldy sabotages their chance to win due to her massive hate for its members (as The Retards consists of the former iance members), and this time, there is no footage of her cheating. Snowball is then voted off because of his excessive woman abusing.
Four then announces the third challenge, which is similar to the last one, but you use abilities rather than fists. Four gives temporary powers to one contestant from each team, to which they are first paired with the contestant with the most similar abilities from another team. After about 7 hours, it was either BEEP or FUCKING DIE LOSER HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. The latter lost, and Eggy was eliminated because Loser hated her, so everyone else hated her.
The fourth challenge is to look at a webpage that parodies Encyclopedia Dramatica's "Offended", containing a long image that's just a compilation of graphic images of gore and BFDI/II rule 34. The contestants have to scroll through the whole entire page, and the team that has all or most of its members give up before finishing will lose. After approximately an hour, it's down to Ohyeahicyiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou and The Retards. The Retards lose again, and Fanny is voted off. Fanny gives a crappy feminist and homophobic speech before being eliminated.
The fifth challenge is, to celebrate Fanny's elimination, is to create the best party. The team with the worst party would be UFE. A few hours later, Ohyeahicyiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou had the best party, so they won immunity. Book's Next Murder Victims lost, so they were UFE. Taco was eliminated, with 54 votes. Lollipop and Teardrop had the second most votes, with one.
That night, the remaining FUCKING DIE LOSER HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 members book a smoking room at a hotel. The next day, they proceed to hotbox with a stash of weed in there and show up to the next challenge while high. Being under the influence during a challenge turns out to be against the rules, so they automatically lose. Pin is then voted off since it was her idea.
The next challenge is announced, and it's to see which can get the most drunk without passing out. The team that has all or most of its members pass out would lose. The "under the influence" rule doesn't apply to this challenge. eraser daddy uwu please stop loses the challenge because most of their members drank too much to the point they passed out. Pie is voted out for being too lazy.
The next challenge is the same as BFB 12's challenge. Pen is now Foldy, Foldy is now Cake, Cake is now Match, Match is now Bracelety, Bracelety is now Rocky, Rocky is now Blocky, Blocky is now Lollipop, and Lollipop is now Pen.
Sup N****s wins first, as Foldy would never lust over Eraser. FUCKING DIE LOSER HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111! wins after seeing Cake's intense hatred for The Retards. BEEP wins after Balloony's child Rocky starts chanting for Ice Cube's team to win. Book's Next Murder Victims win after seeing how brutally Lollipop killed Ice Cube "for a prank". The Retards win after noticing how Match wasn't saying "like" multiple times and got angry when Lightning said Loser is overrated. Balls wins after Blocky barfs on Grassy for no reason. It's down to eraser daddy uwu please stop and Ohyeahicyiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou. Ohyeahicyiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou wins after Bracelety says the word "pence-pence", so eraser daddy uwu please stop is UFE. Black Hole is out because his name has "Black" in it, and people found that racist.
The next challenge is announced, which is a game of ping pong. Eraser complains about how the challenge is so easy, so Four screeches him. Pen complains about that, so Four screeches him too. Spongy and Barf Bag are hyped up, but their team loses. They are up for elimination, and Spongy is eliminated because of his weight.
Four then announces that the next challenge is to stay up all night for a whole entire week, and that the team that has all of its members fall asleep first will lose. During that week, Tree proceeds to have casual sex with 13 of the female contestants, including the girls on his team. Before the week even ends, Book's Next Murder Victims eventually loses. Book is eliminated with 69 votes. Snowball then somehow returns after being eliminated and sets everyone else on fire JUST BECAUSE.
After the elimination, the Announcer, now working as a reporter for a news station named "Ligma News", does a news report on the new season of BFDI. Then it cuts to a 20-minute gory scene of Blocky committing a massacre against clones of Star Wars sequel characters, before Four announces the next challenge, which is to perfectly play Tank! from Cowboy Bebop, considered one of the hardest pieces to perform. It ended with a tie however, as nobody could play it due to how hard it was. After that, we cut to a scene where we see some of the characters cosplaying as Samurai Champloo characters, with Blocky dressed as Mugen, and Leafy dressed as Fuu. It then cuts to a scene where the Announcer is about to get executed, but he gets saved by Two, a friend of his. After a 5-minute eyecatch, we see Blocky running a prank house. He proceeds to show off his pranks for the next 20 minutes, then we get a rap battle between Golf Ball and 8ball. It didn't matter though, since they tied. Suddenly, several recommended characters (all the débuters from TPOT, and 13 new ones, Betamax, Katana, Volleyball, Walkman, DVR, Hockey Puck, Audio Cassette, Rolodex, Volleyball, Zip Disk, Cowboy Hat, Cricket Ball, and MiniDisc) start stampeding towards Four, knocking him out. Luckily, Four manages to recover from the attack, and soon enough announces the next contest, which is a boat race, but not before Two gives an otherwise completely irrelevant speech. (W.I.P)
Why It Sucks
- It wasn't screened in advance for critics! Need we say more?
- The poster is just a poorly-done picture of the original 20 BFDI contestants dabbing and it doesn't even have the title of the movie.
- The plot is very predictable.
- Overuse of the "pen island/PENISLAND" joke.
- It also overuses the "Don't call me Needy!" joke.
- Literally ALL of the characters (except Woody, Match, and Firey) suffer from character derailment.
- Leafy went from a enthusiastic, nice leader to a masochistic freak.
- Bubble went from a shy yet carefree person to a scared pussy who stole Woody's personality.
- Pencil went from a mean yet likable character to someone who kills contestants she hates for the fun of it.
- Blocky is even worse than before, as he simps over Flower and tortures his friends, both mentally and physically.
- Eraser went from a bored and impatient yet well meaning guy to some gangster on the streets who overuses the word "motherfucker" and the N-word.
- Pen went from the nicest out of the cool characters to a psychopath who obsesses over Eraser's dong.
- Snowball is even worse than before, as he set the whole cast (except Firey) on fire JUST BECAUSE.
- Teardrop speaks for some reason.
- Flower is even worse than before.
- Pin's only personality trait is to say "I think (insert character here) deserves the death penalty!".
- Golf Ball went from a bossy yet likable character to a maniac who tells Tennis Ball what he should and should not do. She also treats Grassy like shit.
- Tennis Ball went from a smart, nice character to a dumb fuck who can't defend himself.
- Ice Cube has little to no purpose to be in this film.
- Needle's voice is now EXTREMELY annoying. She is also some bimbo who sucks toes for 1$.
- Coiny, while still likable, has many conflicts with Firey that get old.
- Rocky is just as useless, if not EVEN MORE useless than before.
- There is a running gag where characters say "Spongy, you smell!" and Spongy's ONLY line throughout the film is "Sorry..." We're not kidding!!!!!!
- Book reverts to how she was before BFB 13 as if her redemption arc never happened.
- Foldy acts like a bitch all the time, and she also takes her hate for The Retards (formerly iance) members to the next level!
- Loser has become more self-centered from all the praise he gets.
- Liy went from a rather pushy yet likable character to a snarky edgelord who sulks a lot, occasionally says "deep" quotes out of nowhere and kills people who even SLIGHTLY annoy her. She's also addicted to porn.
- Gelatin went from a more laid-back yet childish character to a dumbass who spends most of his time throwing forks at people.
- Ruby, while likable, her voice sounds grating to the point where it could give Bell a run for her money!
- Speaking of Bell, even SHE wasn't safe from flanderization! She's a whiny bitch who cries over 10,000,000 decibels (yes really) when someone climbs her string.
- Lollipop went from a sassy yet likable character to a mean jerk who abuses Barf Bag.
- Saw's new design doesn't even look like a saw, it looks more like Gaty. And now she doesn't even care for her friends, she only cares about how her new handle is so "fabulous".
- Speaking of which, Gaty is now someone who makes baseless nitpicks on someone's looks.
- Taco is even MORE of the Karen she was in The United States Movie: Patriotic Palooza!.
- Dora doesn't appear in this movie for some reason.
- Stapy is now some horny perverted weirdo who jacks off to Foldy porn in the movie.
- Yellow Face is now a prostitute.
- Puffball is even worse than before, like how she unfairly pushed Eraser off of a cliff because he said her looks aren't very good today.
- Taco from Inanimate Insanity is here for some reason and shouts "SEMEN!" at random times.
- X is now a whiny brat.
- Bomby is some emo guy who always talks about how "Life is cheap".
- Cloudy is now some annoying fuck who always complains and gives offscreen blowjobs to Balloony.
- Balloony has the same personality as Stapy, except he jacks off to Cloudy porn.
- Bracelety is EXACTLY the same as when she was in The United States Movie.
- Purple Face is an Italian stereotype.
- Remote has the same personality as Liy, but slightly more tame.
- Pie is now a lazy bitch who is too lazy to breath.
- Tree is now a hypocritical douchebag who denies fucking 13 women that week.
- Donut reverts to his BFDIA personality.
- Barf Bag is now portrayed as a disgusting, dumb whore.
- Black Hole has little-to-no personality in this film.
- Grassy is a mix of stereotypical BFDI fan types who argues with other people constantly, draws cringy art, hates Inanimate Insanity and calls it a rip-off, and treats Leafy like a goddess.
- Pillow is even more of a smartass and lunatic than she was in the original show.
- Fries is some old man who shouts at people for no reason, similar to Taco.
- Basketball is now some know-it-all who took Golf Ball's BFDIA personality.
- 8-Ball's only personality trait is to say he has no favorite number.
- Cake, one of the nicest contestants, has the same personality as Pen and acts like a complete dick to everyone.
- Eggy exists.
- Lightning has the same personality as Blocky, but MUCH worse.
- Nickel is an asshole to both Firey and Coiny, and simps for himself.
- TV, Roboty, Firey Jr., and Robot Flower are all useless.
- Marker, while still likable, has a strange voice that sounds almost feminine. He also killed Firey in one scene because he thought he was ugly.
- Fanny is by far the worst character. She gave Pen and Snowball MULTIPLE death threats throughout the film, told Pen and Pencil to "Go fuck each other or something" (even though they are SIBLINGS in the film), and worst of all, told Bubble, a character that went through a lot of struggles throughout the years, to GO KILL HERSELF, and when Bubble denied, FANNY POPPED HER!
- Naily is a stereotypical anime fan now.
- Clock is now some kyle who often catfishes women on the internet. His voice is also grating and he's either an asshole, perverted, or both to everyone he meets.
- Bottle is now a "Not like other girls" type of girl and makes tons of pop culture references.
- The animation, while resembling the BFB animation style, can look rather stiff at times.
- There is a HORRID rap battle between 8-Ball and Golf Ball, which goes on for 15 MINUTES! Not to mention they didn't even try with the animation in that scene. In fact, it's so bad that it could give Calobi Productions a run for his money!
- The original cast members even refused to reprise their roles once they realized what the movie was really going to be about! As a result, they were replaced with random voice actors who happened to be BFDI fans. Some of the new voice actors do a rather mediocre job voicing the characters, and some don't even sound like the original voice actors at all!
- The infamous scene where Pen and Eraser stumble upon rule 34 pictures of them fucking Pencil and Match respectively!!!
- Many filler scenes, such as:
- The aforementioned 8-Ball vs. Golf Ball Rap Battle.
- Gelatin singing Dame Da Ne (Baka Mitai).
- Purple Face listening to It's Been So Long.
- Blocky jacking off to pictures of Woody for 8 minutes.
- Book's Next Murder Victims (except Taco since she wasn't born after 1993) eating McDonald's, chargin they phone, being bisexual, twerking, eating hot chip and lying.
- A still image of the poster appears for 10 minutes around the middle of the movie.
- The scene where team eraser daddy uwu please stop goes to a bar and all of the members (sans Tree, Black Hole and Pie) get too wasted to the point they pass out.
- 8-Ball saying he has no favorite number for 5 minutes.
- An anime style segment with little-to-no plot.
- Constant 5-minute kisses/makeout sessions.
- There's a scene where some of the characters battle Rusty Coin, who has gone insane and feral from years of being alone. While it's epic, it drags on for too long.
- A pointless scene in the climax where the whole cast screams "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!" for 4 minutes!
- The CGI elements are horrible.
- Racist, sexist, homophobic, and overall offensive jokes.
- Eraser's constant usage of the N-word.
- Pen is portrayed as a stereotypical gay guy who fucks in public and wears embarrassing clothing.
- Pen also acted transphobic towards Golf Ball in the movie.
- Cake has the same personality as Pen, besides worshipping Loser instead of Eraser.
- Pencil's constant misandry.
- Blocky uses the term "Juicy" when describing how Cake tastes after he ate him.
- Bracelety saying transracial is a thing.
- Snowball's excessive woman abusing.
- Lollipop dresses as a stereotypical lesbian in one scene.
- Eraser shouting "DINDU NUFFIN" when he was caught looking at Rule 34.
- Match calls Cake a f*g in one scene.
- Liy and Pillow are portrayed as stereotypical psycho lesbians at times.
- Foldy calls Liy a d*ke in one scene.
- Bottle calling Pen a tr*nny cuck in one scene.
- Snowball calls Black Hole a soyboy in one scene.
- Brings back the annoying "Well Read" joke.
- There is a scene where Ruby brings Flower a glass cup and they sit there until they start making out, which is an obvious reference to 2 Girls 1 Cup.
- There is a disgusting Cuties reference in the film.
- Pointless cameos of II characters, like when Taco and Taco meet up for no reason.
- Hilariously bad dialogue.
- WAY too many sex scenes and inappropriate scenes, even for an adult film.
- A 15 minute threesome sex scene with Liy, Pillow, and Remote.
- A 5 minute sex scene with Lollipop and Bubble.
- Lollipop forcing Barf Bag to lick her vagina. How does a lollipop even have a vagina?
- Tree having sex with Remote for 10 minutes.
- Grassy showing Golf Ball Rule 34 of her.
- The aforementioned scene where Pen and Eraser find rule 34 art of them fucking Match and Pencil.
- The aforementioned Cuties Reference.
- Cloudy giving Balloony a blowjob. We even get a close up.
- A 10 minute foursome sex scene with Pen, Blocky, Eraser, and Snowball.
- The 2 Girls 1 Cup reference.
- Puffball singing about where Firey Jr. "actually" came from.
- Another sex scene with Match and Pencil.
- Remote fingerbanging Liy for 13 minutes.
- A montage of Tree fucking 13 of the female characters in a week.
- Liy fucking Pillow with a strap-on.
- The first challenge is literally a dick-sucking competition.
- The 4th challenge is to look through a webpage that contains graphic, gory images and rule 34 of BFDI and Inanimate Insanity, parodying the "Offended" page from Encyclopedia Dramatica.
- Tree getting stuck in Bottle's other hole and Bottle giggling about how ticklish it feels... if ya know what I mean.
- A sex scene between Puffball and Bell.
- A 30 minute sex scene between Leafy and Firey. How????
- A 10 minute threesome sex scene with Foldy, Stapy and Marker.
- As stated above, the voice acting is awful for the following characters:
- The "cool" characters (ESPECIALLY Pen and Snowball)
- Bracelety (who's voice, in fact, is EVEN worse than how she sounded in the original show)
- Yellow Face and Purple Face
- Tennis Ball
- Lollipop (She sounds WAY too feminine in the film, when her voice is more masculine in the show)
- Pie (Like Lollipop, she sounds too feminine)
- Bottle (Like Lollipop and Pie, she sounds too feminine)
- The climax is absolutely bonkers.
- Everyone suddenly summoning rocket launchers out of nowhere to fight (then unknown) antagonist.
- A stupid plot twist where Killer SuperOverlord is revealed to be EVIL LEAFY!!!
- The aforementioned scene with the whole cast screaming "fuck" for 4 minutes.
- Nonsensical, idiotic or even gross challenges, such as the 1st and 4th challenges.
- Awful team names (besides BEEP, which still has it's original team name)
- Death P.A.C.T. became eraser daddy uwu please stop.
- A Better Name Than That became Balls.
- Team Bleh became Book's Next Murder Victims.
- Team Ice Cube! became Ohyeahicyiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.
- Free Food became Sup N***as.
- iance became The Retards (this is because Bubble tricked Pencil into thinking retard was a good name)
- The Losers became FUCKING DIE LOSER HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
- Like Hellboy (2019), the film tries way too hard to be R-rated by inserting an expletive into every other line, and every time a character says "fuck" or "shit" they do it in a very bold manner just to show the audience "Hey look, we're R-rated! This isn't for the kiddies!"
- In fact, even the first and last lines have an f-bomb.
- Awkward expressions, such as when Bubble convinced Pencil to name their team The Retards, both her and Pencil make derp faces throughout the scene.
- Another example is when Pen breathes in or emphasizes a word, he makes a weird face.
- An unfunny gag where characters accidentally say "Booble", instead of Bubble.
- Coiny twerks in this movie. No joke.
- Some pop culture references that were ALREADY FUCKING OUTDATED BY THE TIME THE FILM CAME OUT!
- Plot holes. Everywhere.
- Where did 4 come from?
- How is there no footage of Foldy cheating to make The Retards lose even though the wrestling arena clearly had security cameras?
- Drug/alcohol references that feel too out of place for a movie based on a show like BFDI.
- The scene where FUCKING DIE LOSER HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!11 proceed to hotbox in their hotel room.
- The aforementioned scene where most of the eraser daddy uwu please stop members get drunk and pass out.
- Overuse of 100 gecs songs.
- There is a BLATANT Freddy Got Fingered reference in the film.
- A scene where Blocky commits manslaughter against multiple clones of Star Wars Sequel characters with a bunch of weapons that goes for 20 minutes, which gets too boring and gory with characters exploding into guts, blood, and even more.
- This film constantly references the infamous "(name) needs to rape (name)" threats that some Miraheze users received.
(W.I.P. feel free to add more reasons)
- Some funny scenes:
- the scene where Grassy tries to make Pen and Pencil kiss before Pen tells them "we're siblings, please don't."
- the scene where a bunch of evil clones get inadvertently electrocuted while "We Like To Party" by Vengaboys plays in the background.
- As said above, the animation can look good for the most part.
- The 8-Ball vs. Golf Ball Rap Battle is so bad it's good.
- Decent or even excellent voice acting for the following characters:
- Blocky (at times)
- Teardrop (despite the fact she isn't supposed to speak)
- Fanny (despite her highly unlikable personality)
- At least Match, Woody, and Firey didn't get flanderized.
- Some good challenges, such as the 3rd one.
- A funny plot twist where it's revealed the announcer now works as a news reporter for a biased news station.
- This film was announced in late 2019 and was originally set to be released in late 2021, but was delayed several times, eventually putting the film in development hell.
- This film was banned in a few countries due to its offensive content.
- jacknjellify sued Anusbutter Productions shortly after this film's release, causing Anusbutter Productions to lose the film rights to Battle for Dream Island.
- The object show community used to nickname this film "The Worst Object Fanfiction" until the release of Firey VS. OJ: Dawn Of Winning, another bad object show film, dethroning this film from the title of "The Worst Object Fanfiction".
- There was a short film that served as a teaser trailer of this film. It played in theatrical screenings of The Next Big Movie before the film began, and it was just every character who starred in this film doing the default dance repeatedly while a crappy MIDI version of "Open Your Heart" by Crush 40 played in the background, and Leafy shouting "A WINNER IS YOU!" in an earrape tone at the end.
Seph as Liy, Leafy, Lightning, Naily, Pillow and Bottle
Yama as Pen, Eraser, Blocky, Snowball, Bubble, Lollipop, and Tree
Hilariously Bad Dialogue
Tree: No I don't wanna say tuesday
Liy: You just said it.
Blocky: Alright, time to watch my hot sexy porn!!!
Bracelety: I'm gonna be transracial so me and Icy can be twins!
Fries: But transracial isn't a thing!
Naily: I nailed it! (Multiple Times in the film)
Four: You fucking retards! Why the fuck would you fucking just fuck up my fucking reputation as a fucking host?? FuCKING FUCK YOU!!!!
X: That was a lot of fuckings!
Four: Like I'M gonna do to YOU!
Liy: Pay attention, Stapy! Now it is not the time to be thinking with your dick!
Stapy: Can't a guy just jack off in peace?
Foldy: I'd forgive you, Liy, but now you're on good terms with the bitch that got Stapy eliminated. No way.
Liy: Yeah yeah, I get it, iance sucks and you're still butthurt over what they did even though that was 6 years ago, blah blah blah. Go back to watching your Stapy porn or whatever.